I woke up feeling extra introspective this morning.
While it’s not unusual for me to spend my idle time thinking about my life or myself and where I fit in in this world, I’d say the time spent doing so has increased with the recent big step of purchasing my first home.
The problem is, I don’t know how to think introspectively, objectively. I can’t seem to ponder my life, accomplishments, personality, or desires without comparing them to my peers. I am constantly evaluating what we’re all doing, and who’s doing it “right” or “better”.
This thought process really gets me feeling down. I start feeling like life is one big rat race – which is an uninspiring and overwhelming point of view. Then, in an effort to get out of my own head, I’ll spend some time perusing other blogs. While my intent is to gain some inspiration or insight, I usually end up feeling under-accomplished. Mission NOT accomplished.
Worst of all – living in a constant state of comparison has really left me feeling lost as to where I want to go or what I want to do with MY life. I’m too pre-occupied with thoughts of what’s “right” or “best” (to whom? I don’t know…)
I hate to be so heavy – so let me turn this around and get to my point: I’ve finally found the perfect “wish” to send out to the universe, and to also participate in The Nectar Collective’s Weekly Wishes.
My first weekly wish is: To embrace my yardstick. A while back I wrote about how I had painted a yardstick to help me focus on my personal qualities, and to remind me that they are the only qualities I should be comparing myself to. Well, 3+ years later, I need to look at my yardstick again and embrace the fact that I am me, living MY life. I am not in a rat race and life [and the Internet] isn’t one big competition.
I want to start listening for my own drumbeat, get a feel for the tempo and go on marching my own march!
To accomplish this I need to make a concerted effort to NOT compare myself or my accomplishments to others. When I read or hear about other peoples’ accomplishments or adventures, rather than letting my green-eyed monster get the best of me, I will say “good for them!” (NOT “why didn’t I do that?”).
There’s another [even uglier] side to this too. It’s not always me feeling down on myself. There are also times when I judge other people’s lives/decisions in order to feel good about my own. Yuck. I am embarrassed to even admit that! Big fat life lesson: If I don’t want to feel like some people are better than me, than I need to stop thinking that I’m better than others.
This is a different kind of post for me…I feel a little funny about being so open and personal in my Sandblog, but if admitting all of this helps me achieve my wish, than it’s worth it. I hope that I am successful so that I can start figuring out and embracing both who I am and where I’m going!